Nobody warns you...

Obviously, this is something I have wanted since I was a little girl. I mean, who doesn't want to be a mom and have the joy of motherhood and having a family?! I knew my time would come and although I seemed to be inpatient to some people I knew my time would come when it was right and with the right person. When I experienced a miscarriage in Feb. of 2010, I thought that was the hardest thing I would ever have to go through. Granted - I had to go through that on my own without any sort of support system and today as I go through my pregnancy, I have a wonderful, understanding husband and family that is just minutes away. But I'm still miserable - mostly physically and emotionally trying to comprehend all the uncontrollable changes happening... Why doesn't anyone tell you about this part of pregnancy?

Everyone always talks about how being pregnant is absolutely amazing and the most wonderful experience, ever. Let me tell you how much that is the biggest load of crap. I can't believe how completely miserable I have been lately. Of course, the hormones do not help. The fact that I haven't found the one job I have always wanted and I am down to crunch time with a few last interviews and school starting soon. I can't help but be overwhelmed, tired, emotional, and just plan miserable. I just want to scream out loud and literally crawl into a ball and eat anything and everything that pops into my mind. Oh, but wait, I can never make up my mind about what I want to eat... everything sounds good but then sounds horrible. My cravings are ridiculous and dairy, pickles, and sometimes downing water are the only things I can handle even though I can't seem to get all of that when I need it...

Nobody tells you that you are going to cry at the drop of a hatch, feel humongous even though you are barely showing, and that your body doesn't feel like it's yours anymore. Nobody mentions this but everyone seems to tell you don't eat this, don't do this, oh but do this and this and make sure you do this. Everyone has advice but nothing can prepare a person for how they are going to feel because really, every single pregnancy is different and I don't care about how YOU felt because it's not how I AM feeling.

It's difficult to talk to people about this - who wants to hear a pregnant lady rant about her unborn baby, bodily functions, and hormones? Most of my friends are younger and nowhere near having a baby and honestly, when I don't feel like hearing some peoples opinions or advice about things because I just don't need that right now. I know it sounds harsh, but my hormones can't take it and I am afraid I will bite someones head off without thinking.

Nobody warns you that you won't be yourself and feel so lost just hoping that you can find that happiness you felt when you saw that bright pink line after peeing on a stick...