I wasn't able to bond with my daughter the first week, for a few reasons. I wasn't able to grasp breast feeding and ended up stopping at just 2 weeks. I couldn't handle it and often found myself crying alone with my daughter, or just alone those first few weeks. I kept asking myself how I was going to get through this, how was I going to be a good mother to my daughter if I felt this way?
I was stressed, obviously tired and emotional, and all the while telling myself that I would never do this again, ever. I made it clear to Aaron as well that it would take a long time to get over it all and to be ok again before we even thought about having another child.
Here I am, almost 8 weeks later and I am somewhat back on my feet.. I don't feel completely normal and back to my old self, I don't think I will ever feel normal again, but who knows. But I am here, having conversations with my husband about another child in our future. We already have a plan, I have signed up for disability through my job so we will not be in the same situation as with Brinnley where we were out half my paycheck, and we discuss the "what ifs" together while holding and playing with Brinnley together.
I know that not all pregnancies are the same, and no 2 children are either. I do know that another child in our lives is what we were meant to have. Now, I obviously can't predict the future and we won't know if that will actually happen but I do know that I want it to, again.
I will go through all that pregnancy encompasses again so that our family could grow to 4, so Brinnley can have a sibling, and Aaron and I can complete our dreams together of family vacations with a child on each of our hips! I would do it again!!
No comments:
Post a Comment