Breakdown

I read a fellow mama friend's blog today, Lauren. She has a beautiful baby boy who is just a little over 2 months older than Brinnley. She wrote about sleep, or lack thereof. I can relate completely to it. 

I don't know if I have mentioned it, but I am part of an active group on Facebook of fellow February (some January babies due to early birthdays) mama's from all over the country. We have been in this group together for many many months and relate to so many things. Some of us are new moms and some are veterans. We all help each other out, give advice, vent, and some moms have even met and become incredibly close. Unfortunately, the closest mom to me is about 8-10 hours away! One day though, we hope to all meet!

In this group of 42 (43 including myself) moms, I want to say the statistic for the little ones who sleep through the night completely on a regular basis is about 85%. No joke, it could be even more. Most of these babies have been sleeping through the night since the first week or so. Each time one of my friends posts about how said baby was up a few times that night or even one time, I just sigh and giggle to myself. 

That's me. Each and every single night. 

Brinnley has only slept through the night 2-3 times. And they were completely random. Because of this, my body and mind are accustomed to waking up on cue around 3am, even if Brinnley has decided not to wake up at this time. Mostly, she does eventually wake up within 10-15 minutes of me waking up. So if you count that, plus getting up to make a bottle, feeding her, helping her fall back asleep 90% of the time, and then waking up to move her off me (I can only stand 15 pounds on my chest/belly for so long), I am probably awake about 45 minutes to an hour each time she wakes up. 

Now, she goes to bed depending on her naps and what we do that day anywhere from 8:30-9:30pm. So she sleeps until about 3 am (oh, don't worry sometimes she mixes it up and wakes up at midnight ALSO) so that is about 6 hours. 

BUT, do I go to bed when she does? Of course not! I need time with Aaron, time to relax, time to unwind and pick up the house a bit. So most nights, I am in bed by 11-11:30. 

Did I mention that once she wakes up that first time she is up AGAIN 3 hours later? Like clockwork. There's no more big stretches, just little ones after that first wake up for the night. 

Today, I hit that wall. A big wall. 

It has been pretty hott lately - in the triple digits hot. Brinnley and I hang out in our underwear with our little AC going. Brinnley isn't a bad, fussy, or annoying baby. 

But I am tired. 

Extremely tired. 

And trying to workout, clean, eat, relax, fix bottles, change diapers, laundry, etc.. puts so much onto my list that I just broke down. 

Aaron said something and I just broke down in tears. And I am talking about ugly face tears. He dropped what he was doing and put his arms around me and asked me what was wrong. 

I couldn't even tell him. I just buried my face in his chest and kept crying. It only lasted about 30 seconds, but it felt so damn good. Aaron and I both laughed when I told him I wasn't sure why I was crying! 

I know I was overwhelmed, coupled with exhaustion and the heat and I really just needed a good cry. It was the first time Aaron had seen me like that... thankfully he was amazing and held me close, which is just what I needed from him. 

In just 7 days our little family will be traveling to Mississippi to visit my family. Aaron is only there for 5 days, but Brinnley and I are there for 12 days. 12 days of hopefully more sleep, lots of relaxing, and many many people to dot on Brinnley. I don't expect my parents or other family members to take over my duties as a mother to my wonderful baby girl, but I know that the extra hands and the calmness (ha) of being on vacation will help in more ways than one!