"None of us really know enough when it comes to _____ or ______."
Quoted from my, Becoming A Teacher Through Action Research textbook I am currently diving my nose into. This quote by authors, Donna Kalmbach Phillips and Kevin Carr, struck a cord not in my educational journey, but this thing called, life.
How many times have I been told that my choices or decisions are horrible, wrong, or negative. (I have also been praised but that is neither here nor there at the current moment). Who in this life really, knows enough about Stephanie to place opinion or judgment on what I choose to do or not to do?
I'll tell ya that some people think they do.
The reading continued, "Our meaning making is always partial and influenced by our own values and beliefs. Our 'conclusions', then are tentative and surrounded by self-analysis and reflexivity... Someone, a subjective person, has to interpret the results. But while all interpretation is subjective, there are methodologies that make interpretation personal without falling into the untrustworthy trap of self babble."
Basically, there are ways to interpret life and the choices made by a person without taking your own personal mishaps or judgments along with it. Ultimately, that is just part of what I am trying to achieve in my action research. Only part, though!
On the flip side and totally not related to my action research and thesis...
I have rarely encountered this in my life. Everything I do seems to be under a microscope. Yes, I understand that I put things on my blog but not all of us are able to live close to our family members and spend every waking moment with them and only them. My family has their own lives and instead of trying to call them about every last detail in my life, I put it up here for them to look at if they want, if not, well then that is their choice. See how I said that? They have a choice to read it. I don't make them.
But, regardless of this post, or anything else I say, people will judge me, people will talk about me and people will make their own interpretations about what I do and don't do - and especially about this post, but I am done caring about what other people think.
Fortunately, I know, and only I know, what it all truly means. No matter how hard I try differently, it won't ever change. I just need to accept it and realize that in this life, my data and life choices and the interpretation will always be
just mine.
Everyone else can keep on thinking they know enough when it comes to Stephanie Marie.
"Keep it secret, keep it low, what if 'they' find out?"
Our self reflection requires vulnerability, the fear of being found out is embedded in the belief that I am not good enough.
I am.
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