5 Rules of Life to NOT follow, Rule 1

I found something online while I was doing my morning browsing with a cup of coffee in hand - the 5 Cardinal Rules for Life. First, I have no idea where this little list came from - for all I know, it could be a random person just making rules for his/her life. Or, it could be a world-wide known thing? Who knows - but I thought I would give it some thought.. take a look if you like.

:ONE:

Make peace with your past so it won't disturb your present. 

This one hits home for me personally. Everyone in my life knows that I was married previously and that it ended nasty. Both parties were guilty of things, private intimate things and personal experiences that caused the marriage to break apart over the course of 5 years together and 2 years of marriage. I abruptly left and didn't have the energy or want to try and fix it because I knew it was so broken and unhealthy - for both of us, whether he knew it at the time or not. In the long run, it's worked better for both of us (I can only assume it has for him) and it ended so quickly that not much was said to each other once my name was signed on that white piece of paper and a confirmation email was sent to be when it became "final". I know that I would be beside myself and run the other way if I ever saw him in public just because it's not a part of my life I like to remember - and oddly, that has never happened in the last 4 years of living in the same state as him (and just 15 minutes away). Peace was not made in all parts of the relationship and things were left unsaid, for the most part. I lost friends and even lost a lot of material items when I left, but I was willing to leave the past there so that I could move on and heal. When Aaron and I began our relationship, we were both fresh out of broken marriages. He was newly divorced, only a few months before I left my marriage, and we quietly dated while we waited to be able to become official. I believe the date was July 12th, which is actually approaching. I don't know why I would remember the date, but I can vividly remember opening an email from said ex who told me it was final. A deep breath and I thought it was all over and done with. Life just doesn't make it that easy. Not all of those 5 years were wasted - and honestly, my memory for some of them is just not there - I remember good times, ok times, and bad times but there are fuzzy times like I felt I was in a bubble and barely able to stay afloat. There were still ends that needed to be tied in the divorce like a big house and a truck that still had my name tied to them - and 5 years of memories do not just disappear overnight. Thankfully, those matters were taken care of in time.  Aaron and I had to deal with our pasts together - and it wasn't easy.
We began our relationship together coming from broken ones. We were so head over heels for each other that we helped each other build back up our self-esteems and our lives. Both of us had to start from scratch in almost every aspect of our lives - the most steady part were our jobs, but that was even difficult to do  when we worked together and people judged us for things they had no idea about.
Our past became part of  our relationship in different ways and at different times. We both felt defeated and torn apart from our marriages that we had to help each other - giving each other compliments, spending time together, and enjoying life together were things that we were not used to in our past. We opened up things from our past that we were hurt by and turned them into great things. We learned from each other and our likes and dislikes, together. It wasn't just about one of us - it was about both of us. It was about our relationship and our future together. Marriage was talked about quickly - but we both knew that we needed time together to heal and build something so much greater in order to really appreciate what marriage gives two people.
I remember the first few months of us living together - one of us would do something and the other one would reply with, "She/he never did that, wanted that, would say that... etc." We would bring up our past and compare it to our present. We realized that we were controlled and held back in the past and we were like little kids in a candy store being let free together while holding hands. We learned how to love ourselves and each other during this process of not forgetting the past and even bringing it into the present with us.
Sooner than later, we stopped bringing the past up. We knew it wasn't needed and that we needed to learn to be US and not who we used to be in the past. We dropped the past - as much as we could considering his past always came up thanks to different circumstances beyond our control.
But we got through it, we conquered our past and used it to help build our relationship. Our relationship is strong because of our past, but only because we let it be for a short amount of time. But, our relationship was built by US and not our past and those who were in it - we have been together for 4 years and married for over 2 years with a beautiful daughter and a loving relationship where we cherish each other and our time together. Our relationship is not like our past and I can honestly say, has no part of our past in it!